Justification in self-image

Crackpot dreams

2006-09-22T03:51:45Z

So I had this dream last night:

I’m swimming furiously in an ocean somewhere at night, I know this because the water is salty, but have no idea which one. With me also swimming as fast as they are able are several dead presidents. Jackson, Taft, Carter, Bush Sr, Bush Jr, Kennedy, Clinton, and ones I don’t even recognize are all alongside me, a veritable sea of dead presidents. At first I can’t figure out why we are swimming so wildly until out of the inky black depths a giant sized Abe Lincoln rears up and drags Taft’s fat ass down into the murk. Abe is the great white of dead president’s apparently.

Our efforts redoubled the remainder of us are churning through ocean faster than ever when Abe comes back for more. Fortunately, since this is a dream I can see clearly through the salt water, in the night for quite a ways down before it turns oily and black. Abe comes up snarling like a wildcat with a long dripping beard and a fierce scowl painted with sharp teeth jutting out in every direction. He bites Jackson’s midriff in two and proceeds to tear the halves apart in a joyous celebration of insanity.

As we swim to some unknown and by now highly coveted destination Abe continues to come up and drag dead president’s down into the depths of the sea. Well a few of us finally make it to land, which is a little cozy street with gas streetlamps and a quiet and peaceful tree lined landscape. This street is feet away from the beach apparently. The few of us left are, Carter, Clinton, Stephen Colbert, and me. Did I mention he was there? He was.

Now its still night and we are on a street now with a crazy fog rolling in on us. Colbert is yelling about how he didn’t vote for Carter when a giant bear runs out and attacks him. He starts screaming “I told you about the fucking radical bear agenda.” After standing there screaming that three or four times the bear claws him to death. At this point the fog is completely ridiculous and we have no idea where we are.

Clinton and Carter start to argue and then Clinton just disappears into nothing. Now it’s down to me and Carter just walking in silence in the thickest fog I have ever seen. Abruptly, it just ends and the suns out and Carter lets out a sigh and says “Fucking pansies, I win.”

Then I woke up late for work. Now. What – The – Fuck does that dream mean? God damn insanity is what it was. I kind of knew it was a dream but it was realistic and in color. Weird eh.

-Dan

Pterydactl porn = very disturbing

Cluttering your friends page

2006-08-19T22:07:10Z

Here I am. A post by Dan. Sacrilegious in the extreme with a muttering of denial.

Snakes. On. A. Plane.

Easily forgotten

2006-07-12T04:29:44Z

Things ill used are easily mishandled and forgotten. I do harbor a belief that my walls of sarcasm and uncaring will in the end prove worse than what they were protecting me against.

First post in such a long a time and yet so emo. My my what has become of me. Laugh it off and put on the mask and smile. Mask and smile. Or is it the smile and then the mask. I forget.

My neck hurts for no good reason, did I jerk in my sleep? They have been terrible lately, utter descents into a new breed of madness I design for myself. How far can I go before it all breaks down? I'm always so tired. I'm smiling now but it holds little mirth. So livejournal, what are you going to do for me? Nothing you say. Nothing sounds very much to little. I shall take your nothing and raise you a surprised look.

Tommorrow John comes to town and I do hope I get to hang out with him. Damn you call at 12:15, damn you to hell. Reel Big Fish on the 22nd. Just a reminder to myself to make me remember. I also need to schedule these two root canals so I can eat on the left side of my mouth again. The thought alone makes me feel good. Eight months of neglecting my left side. Oh how it must despise me.

I am awake when I want to sleep. I am awakened by the howling of a small dog. Good ole Lucky always delivers. You make sense to me.

Ha I just saw the picture of me at disney world of me attempting to sexually molest a tree. My mom always took good pictures. Good times. Damn you hotel tree in a pot for resisting my charms.

My scraggly beard makes my face feel greasy. Probably because I rub it to much. So maybe its my nasty greasy hands that make my face greasy. Either way it's the beards fault. I could use an orange right about now.

We saw the Oregon Trail, heaped high with piles of dead daughters.

Lost in transition

2006-04-07T03:48:00Z

I've somewhere lost the will to write. At all. It's kind of sad but I can't seem to muster the urge. I wish I could and the confidence to write whats still floating around in my head. It needs to coalesce. Beyond that I haven't anything aside from daily activities filling my time.

At work my progression to the new job has ended. I get to settle things down there a little. Plus, driving around fixing peoples computers is refreshing and a bit contemplative. The new car should be in soon and we can go back to 5 day work weeks instead of 4. Three days off is nice but 10 hour days kind of drag on.

I still have no tan, which saddens me to a level of epic proportions. I haven't made it to the beach to skim outside of three times and I'm starting to fiend. Plus, I need a tan so my teeth look whiter.

Some of the crappy things has been my almost utter disection from Jessica, whose conversations held some high points for me. Life goes on though, and we wade through the fetid swamp to reach the...desert beyond. Maybe theres an oasis coming up. I believe there is.

That oasis is moving in with Brian and Eric. I am looking foward to that with unparalleled enthusiasm. I have a month to go before large scale moving to the Cove occurs so if you want to make a visit and hang with me at the apartment than those days are dwindling quickly. That's about all I care to wrench forth from my frail body.

Dan
Yes. I know what they FUCKING HAVE at the IHOP.

Nostalgia

2006-02-06T04:59:34Z

The conversation I had earlier was far and away inadaqute to what I wished it to be, but when lost in the desert even drops are as precious as diamonds.

-Dan

Nerd city

Astonishingly surreal

2006-02-05T17:56:53Z

http://loom.corante.com/archives/2006/02/02/the_wisdom_of_parasites.php

Im confused.

2006-02-03T16:19:39Z

About things. And this:

Wierd unicorn video.

Ideas_good_orBad <> i= 1 to 3

2006-01-30T21:33:18Z

I do believe I am going to consume several shots of vodka momentarily as a last tribute to my birthday and to this weekend that has turned out to be very much what I needed it to be.

A last drunken farewell to a wonderful few days of friendship and semi-relaxation. Why not eh?

Svedka here I come.

-Dan

Kites aren't the only things high.

PS. Ben has a nice firefox layout. Very nice indeed. Macesque if you will.

Tommorrow and birthdays

2006-01-25T03:55:51Z

Tommorrow my Mom is making spaghetti and meatballs with garlic bread and having a coldstone cake for me as it is my birthday. If you are my friend and in town or whatnot tommorrow give me a call. As it stands now, no one is coming really because you all are out of town.

Hope someone can come.

-Dan

two three

Stolen bikes

2006-01-17T03:02:24Z

So Jessica had her much prized bike stolen. In tribute I would offer up on the altar of condolence this appropriate gem:

http://niggastolemybike.ytmnsfw.com

-Dan

Edited*

Application

2006-01-16T04:46:36Z

I officially applied to FSU today for the fall semester. I suppose I am no longer speculating and have solidified my apparent move to Tallahassee. John...I will have to make a visit and we can start talking over some stuff.

The good ole days

2006-01-14T08:43:50Z

"I'm used to excluding fifty percent of my vocabulary when I talked to people, it was no different here - but she knew what I was talking about. We reminisced about our favorite LOGO programs, Microzine, and how many daughters you could lose to cholera travelling the Oregon Trail. We saw the Oregon Trail heaped high with discarded daughters, the road itself a valley between dead girls"

-Dan

Excessively drunk.

what...the...

2006-01-04T18:20:02Z

What the hell is this? I laughed but can't decide what the thing was for.

Anyway, Wedding Crashers is an overly funny movie. I laughed a lot.

-Dan

Victim

More New Years

2006-01-03T05:11:47Z

Me and Scott throwing down in some Tekken. Also, a really cute sleeping Jessica next to me :P.

Fun times at new years

2006-01-01T16:42:27Z

Friday was awesome...kudos to Ben for putting that together. Jessica came into town and we partied it up at the Jetties for a couple hours. The party moved toward Ben's house and we danced and made merry. Jessica was as badass as I recall her to be from that amazing trip to Gainsville with Ben oh so long ago. Here is a little present she left me:

So awesome.

Last night at Cory's was a blast. I brought a huge jar of pickles at Wal-Mart on a whim while running in the house with it over my head and yelling "I bring pickles!" when i got there. Ended up playing this guitar game for some hours and some Tekken. Mix that with some cool people and mingling and bear pong, and you have last night down pretty good. I saved New Years since we all almost forgot to toast at 12.

Anyway, I just got back from the bus station dropping Jessica off and now I may go to sleep. Jess it was a blast having you here the last couple days. I just regret not getting to watch Sin City with you.

-Dan

I put all those intestines back in.

Fucking hilarious

2005-12-25T00:18:35Z

Oh my god this is ridiculous.

Mr. Pibb + Red vines = Crazy delicious!

Enjoy!

-Dan

Narnia!

Xmas

2005-12-24T06:46:03Z

Merry Christmas and all other winter wonderland holidays you may be celebrating. Hope you all get what you want.

-Dan

Not posting enough since '95

Updates

2005-11-18T00:08:58Z

I updated my background pic, check it out instead of being lazy and reading this on your friends tab.

-Dan

Frozen banana shakes.

Progession

2005-11-08T06:06:36Z

I played some Basketball yesterday with some guys from work. My legs have taken on "FORM OF" Spaghetti noodles. You know you need to go back to school when you don't have some form of word processor on your computer for 6 months. I should really install this pirated copy of Office 2003 but I haven't mustered the will to put it in the CD drive yet. I ate a banana so I hope my legs feel a little better tommorrow for work. After work at 4 shall be spent at Books A Million reading Feast for Crows until they close. I can't wait.

The Colts destroyed the Patriots. It looked like they were playing a college team or that the Patriots defense all ended up drinking Absinth before the game since they were never around the receivers.

I'm updating my ipod finally so that I can have fresh things to listen to while I sit in a chair reading for 7 hours. Should be fun.

-Dan

Forge the backdrop of reason.

::What does that mean?:: Who knows.

I got nothing

2005-11-04T05:51:01Z

Im sitting here but I don't really have any news. I went skimming today probably for the last time of the season and scraped my leg up like an asshat.

Woot to Julie. You should tell me these things when we chat sometimes. On the same note having just read her journal, Jessica sorry I came off all wierd and stuff to you, but you make me nervous for some reason. You probably don't read my LJ but thats ok. Julie can show you or whatever.

I need some new LJ icons. I am way to lazy to look/make them though. I am way to lazy in general.

That's it folks.

-Dan

What if...you woke up next to the Burger King.

If you google lameassguy

2005-11-01T05:55:54Z

You get this...

So, the other day I found God.

He was in a bottle floating in the ocean.

He jumps out and says "What the hell is all the commotion."

I tell him, "I saved you from your porcelain prison."

"No you didnt", he says.

"Uh huh", I tell him.

"Uh uh", he replies.

"Geez, you would think the Lord of the entire universe would come up with something better than uh uh", I say.

"Like what?", he tells me.

"Hell, I don--...good one.", I say.

"Yeah, I know". He says. He looks down and then goes, "What the fuck, your representation of GOD is a little brown pixie. You know most people see an older man with a long ass beard and white robe."

"Uhh, I thought it would be funny."

"Hmm, your right that is pretty funny AND no one has ever thought I looked like a little brown pixie. You know what you're going to heaven." God says.

"What? No matter what I do? Can I kill a whole bunch of little kids?" I ask.

"Yep, you got a free ride. I'll even send an escort, an archangel. You can come in the side entrance and bypass that super long line."

"That is awesome."

"Yeah, I know."

"Isn't that against the rules."

"I kind of make the rules." He says chuckling.

"True, very true. Isn't it kind of ironic that you said What the hell back there."

"If you look around there is a lot irony around here."

"Point for you. Your one sick bastard."

"Yeah, I know."

"Is that your favorite saying, because its starting to annoy me greatly." I snicker.

"Your one sarcastic bastard, you know that." He says.

"Yep, you made me this way though right."

"Yeah, yeah I did, I was like WTF and just did it."

"I like the way you just said WTF instead of what the fuck."

"Yeah Im just cool like that."
"Wait, wait. Did you just buff your nails on your cloak?" I laugh.

"Yep, sure did."

"HAHA, thats great. You know, youre a lot cooler than I imagined you to be."

God sighs. "Yeah, I blame it on the church, fucking bastards, Jesus Christ."

"Oh my god. You just said Jesus Christ as a curse, thats the greatest thing ever." I say.

"Haha, ya that is pretty messed up isn't it.". God snickers.

"Hell yeah it is. So, God, Why is your name God anyway?" I ask him.

"Ummm, because its Dog backwards....hmmm it was funny at the time...it was, really....hey, shut up you fucker." God tells me.

"God, you are fucking awesome." I say.

"I totally already know that." God says.

"Well, its been great chatting with you, but I am gonna run along now." I say.

"Yeah, take it easy, see you in heaven." God tells me.

So that was my encounter with God. And you know what, I can now walk around everyday knowing without a doubt, no matter what I do, I am going to heaven and that God is one badass son of a bitch. I get to go in passing the long ass line and getting an escort through the back way. If you want to call God a liar then go for it. All I have to say is Happy Trails my friend, Happy FUCKING trails.

If it looks familar well it was my old site and I wrote it so it better look familair.

Descriptions while drunk

2005-11-01T05:43:53Z

He sat at the edge of the playground far away from the other kids as they played their games of kickball and yelling. Sat is a wholly inaccurate description. He was actually running and jumping off the railing of the chain link fence with one foot while doing a back flip landing on his feet. They didn't know the things he knew. Even in play you could still train your reflexes and hone the natural born skills that you were given. He never spent idle time engrossed in a useless activity. Sometimes he studied the books he wasn't supposed to understand for several years.

The boy was eight and in the 5th grade. When he first entered class he was met with ridicule and scorn. The other boys tried to punish him soon after by ganging up on him in the bathroom one day at lunch. There were five of them circling him and yelling to go back to the third grade where he belonged. Although he knew they were just scared of someone they couldnt really understand he knew that if he took the abuse now that they would never stop harrassing him. He was stronger, more intelligent, and quicker than they were. They swung ackwardly at him when he refused to back down to the verbal abuse designed to frighten him. He just smiled and stood calmly waiting as they circled him.

The first boy, bigger than the rest, mustered the courage to make the first swing. The victim smiled and thought how this was so similar to the beginning of a long hunt. He caught the wrist and broke it in one quick motion flipping the attacker on the ground. He screamed as if his neck had been broken. The other boys converged on him at once as he ducked and kicked ones knee while sliding out of the middle of the remaining four. The snap of the knee crushing backward made the boy smile in his head. His attackers had no idea what they were dealing with. They were so slow that he quickly realized this wasn't worth finishing. He slipped out of the bathroom and toward the administration office to report what had happened.

_________

They say that a child born of the Were was so rare that it heralded the end of an age. If they had any idea the truth of that statement they would be trembling. A child born of two people who were afflicted by lycenthropi(sp) is so rare the last one happened right before the last ice age. They are called pack leaders. Leading Were geneoligists say that when two people couple in Were form and gestate a child that the genes are not randomized. The newly created child takes the best of the best chromosomes from each parent. How is still unknown. Some known facts are the two people have to transform within minutes of each other and have a strong attraction while in human form. Also the gestation of the child only happens while in Were form so it takes years for the offspring to be born. Numerous accidents can happen during the pregnency. The children born thus have full control of their own transformation and keep the majority of their human form rationality while in Were form. In addition, they have the ability to control other Were. Their age is also unknown as all known pack leaders are still alive.

Unknown to Krellis Franklin he was to become the center of a battle that could potentially destroy life as we currently know it.

-Dan

Yeah it sucks but I'm intoxicated at the moment. Think of it as a rough outline of a storyline.

Crazy fake halloween party

2005-11-01T04:25:45Z

bah_to_names's Halloween party:

__omg__lolz dressed as a still devil.
_aloysius_ dressed as something oval, but what, specifically, you can't tell.
_edana dressed as Anna Nicole Smith.
a_sour_taste dressed as the Brady Bunch -- all of them.
ahdiohug didn't dress up, spoilsport.
beingawake dressed as Cameron Diaz's brother.
booboobedoop dressed as a diplomat from United Arab Emirates.
dissolveduality dressed as a 1960's hippie child.
ditt0o0ttid dressed as the main character of "The Sting".
dropkickthis dressed as a assistant corporate spy director.
glowchild dressed as your father.
go_speed_racer_ dressed as the spirit of their dead grandmother Erica, and it suited them all too well.
himynameissasha dressed as a witch.
joshzgrl dressed as a new member of the Wu-Tang Clan, Pesty Hunter.
juice_no_tights dressed as a skeleton.
lebeauroxxxy dressed as Heidi Klum.
lintyfreshness dressed as a kicker for the Steelers.
tiedtograce dressed as a pair of pliers.
xperfect_flawsx dressed as a penguin.
xxbenpunkxx dressed as Kirsten Dunst riding a cow.

Throw your own party at the Hallomeme!
Created with phpNonsense

Halloween Party circa Saturday night

2005-10-31T21:04:16Z

Special Edition Entry! I found Russel's pics of the party and I am actually in one of them. Click here for costume extravaganza.

It ends up being Victoria, Sarah, and myself heading to Gary's party. We showed up about 10:30 after a couple wrong turns down some random side streets. Have to say that the party was totally killer. People just kept showing up until his house was packed. I think there was around 100 people there. Everyone was dressed up too. I went as Gilligan and it was pretty spot on if you ask me. Unfortunately I rode with Victoria and forgot to bring my camera that hasn't seen any use in a while. A lot of dancing was to be had and seeing some old high school friends was pretty awesome. Some of the costumes that rocked had to be Willy Wonka, Scorpion, Katana, Rayden, E Honda, Harry Potter, Peter Griffen, a badass ninja, Batman, and Aeon Flux. Those were the best. Gary costume was super badass but I have no idea what he was supposed to be. A crazy pimp mad hatter is what he looked like to me. The keg of Heineken was gone in about an hour and from then on everyone was just scrounging whatever alcohol they could get. Someone brought a cookie cake and some candy. Was very good times. Sucks I couldnt make it to Gainsville but Sunday was unavoidably devoted to work.

Oh shit, I almost forgot Jaime dressed up as the Burger King and scared the shit out of somebody going to the bathroom. He hid in the shower and pulled the curtain back real fast and just stood there. I think I almost died laughing. Oh yeah asian Steve went as Ryu and Paul was Ken. So many cool costumes there.

-Dan

I'll fucking break your coconut radio.

Exposition

2005-10-07T15:32:44Z

For a second I was going to start a story about a boy. A boy who was destined to become a leader amongst a group of people whose lifestyle is considered somewhat evil under the standard of today. It was about werewolves. The child born of werewolves destined to lead them in a fight for survival that pre-dated the age of man. The chances of two people transforming and mating as Were are as likely as getting repeatedly struck by lightning and winning every states lottery. Leading Were genetic proffessors have found that the mating of two Were culminates in not a random set of chromosomes but takes the best that the two have to offer making the best possible offspring. Those born of Were have the power to direct other Were during the transformation, amongst other things. The inner circles call them pack leaders. Little does the boy know that his life is going to be the battlegrounds for all life including the Were.

Anyway it sounds good in my head but I won't be writing it now and possibly never. Someone already wrote this story somewhere anyway.

I fixed myspace. About time I did that. I am unsure as to where the motivation came from but come it did. It's gloomy outside. I wanted to go skimming. It was gloomy yesterday as well. I need some sun before the winter sets in. I got saturday off so John better come. Julie are you in town yet?